“We came up with a strategy to keep it clean and be sponsored by the UFC itself. I’m glad the UFC wanted to work with me as well,
and I think that they trust that I’ll never make them look bad.
You never have to worry about me with a DWI (driving while under the influence) or doing something crazy,” – Jon Jones April 13, 2012
Jon Jones may be one of the best fighters in the biz today and on top of that he is a marketing gem. Perhaps that is why he recently became the first fighter to have an exclusive sponsorship with the UFC complete with matching jumpsuits that would make Run DMC jealous. Jones went on to defend his belt for a third time against his former training partner and friend (according to Rashad; Jones claims they weren’t friends but then again Jon Jones’ best friend is himself). Jon was on top of the world, he was the world champion, he defended his belt against a rival and he was making an absolute shit ton of money. Jonny “Bones” Jones had it great but one fateful night changed everything… On may 19, 2012 Jones presumably woke to the stinging sound of the latest rhianna song, arose from his bed, proceeded to his mirror and looked the man across from him straight in the eye and said “I love you”. Little did he know this day would end as poorly as Sylvia vs Fedor and for the first time in his life he was Sylvia…
This began as a typical day for Jon, driving his $180,000 car, signing autographs, getting recognized by everyone, being famous you know typical shit. Later in the day Jon met up with some old friends from his hometown in Endicott, New York they decided to go to a bar in the area so they could be seen with a famous person and get some trim using his fame. Jon agreed jumping at the chance to be the center of attention faster than a Mazzagatti stoppage. After 4 hours of getting ready (you try putting on skinny jeans with a physique that resembles a mix between a stretch armstrong and Corey Hill) it was time to go out and get wild. The friends entered the bar and were greeted by looks of shock and disbelief at the well known smirk of Jones, as we all know its almost impossible to gameplan for Bones. The crew sat down and began drinking and greeting fans, once word got out Jones was there the bar filled up quicker than a piece of jerky through Brock’s new colon. Jon utilized his NBA level reach rounding up eight girls at a time and singing along to his favorite pop hits like ” Sexy and I know it” , Which Jonny thought was written about him, everyone was having a great time as the hours flew past. Before long the night was coming to a close, with his friends securely occupied, Jones said goodnight and decided to head home a decision that would come to haunt him.
Jon listened to the deep grumbling ignition of his Bentley as he prepared to make the short trek home from his sucessful defense of his title “most popular guy in the bar”, he smiled, and pulled out onto the highway. It may have been the alcohol or possibly the deep wrenching lyrics of his Lil’ John CD that prompted Jon to start feeling depressed. As he drove he began to visualize all of the hateful comments and articles that the media and others made about him, he saw the words appear before him “cocky”, “overrated”, “terrible dancer.” Jon was in disarray, he was more upset then when Tito did a Google search on his new wife Jenna Jameson. Bones’ sadness soon turned to anger, he began to increase his speed flying down the highway cursing all those who doubted him and wondering how could these people turn on him. Suddenly Jon remembered how Rashad had slandered him and reputed his shortcomings to the media leading up to their fight. Furious, Jon drove faster when through the bright beams of his headlights he saw a shadow up ahead. As he approached he was shocked to see it was Rashad! Jon was in disbelief and noticed ‘Shad appeared to be taunting him doing some weird combination of wiping his ass and tweaking his nipples, enticing the driver to “Get some. Raging like Joe Rogan after an ice spill, Jon swerved towards his rival determined to eliminate his former training partner once and for all.
When he regained consciousness Jon stepped out of his car, sore and confused, his Bentley looked like one of Randy Couture’s ears. Seconds later the sirens and flashing lights began to draw close and Jon knew he was about as screwed as anyone who goes the distance with Leonard Garcia.
This article is written for entertainment purposes, I respect anyone who fights or has ever fought espically someone who is a world champion. I hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading.